Thursday, February 24, 2005
hmmm... i'm at my school's library now... bio = no periods wat... haha damn shuang.. ahha.. ashley beside me now.. anyway,
this wk is kinda fun lor.. cos its like i got back my results - good and bad.. haha... err... i screwed up for english and humans i tink... my geog got like C5 and my history got E8! it's like i've never failed history before lorz.. my worst was like 50%? bahh..
look on the bright side - jy got the same mark as me.. haha.. and also half of my class got worse than me.. lerong have 4/20 and all.. budden sua has 14/20!! it's wth!!! sighz... i suck sooo much in IH this term lor... praying hard that my geog core can pull my score up.. despite the fact that i prolly got the first 6-m question wrong cos i anyhow churn up the Indian plate (non-existent plate - the real one was called Indo-australian plate) collided with the Eurasian plate to cause the earthquake in Killari.. when killari is nowhere near the plate boundaries of both plates.. its like wah lao lorz.....
blah blah... i am so goin to get my highest MSG ever lor... approx. 2.3-2.5.. my highest record was 2.13 when i was sec 1 term 2... but that 2.13 still gave me a 2nd in class... haha sua is going to get first in class this term i think.. he prolly will haf like A for english and IH - the 2 subjects that everyone flunked but his chem (c5) will be like pulling him down a lil.. hee hee... i tink i MIGHT haf a chance to be on par with either yam or yong lin... yong lin screwed up his english and history more than me... all counts to geog core le... but anywayz, shant be too meng lar.. evryone is so going to screw up this term anywayz...
bahh.. now tok abt boarding school le... haha damn damn fun fun! cos its like now got no more tests already wat.. so damn slacky.. but i dint play with so i was damn sian.. but at least better than studying like mad dogs rite?... jeffrey is opening up more and more now... he claims that he doesn't seduce people loll.. then taiboon and i winked at each other haha... ok shall keep all the things he does and my interpretations to myself.. bahh.. you'll see someday.. er ok... and my motorola phone is so freakin screwed cos i thot i could use kaimeng's charger but his charger is like not compatible with my phone's as the HOLE is not big enough! haha... k stop being horny... then that's like sooo bad cos i cannot sms nice nice people like ben and jy... haha..
haha but i am very happy in BS in a sense.. its like i am more or less settled down... it's like every morning is so routine, when jeffrey went off for running, i woke up at 6.10-6.15 and wake yufeng and lerong up after brushing my teeth. then after waking up, they go brush teeth and i go bathe so the 3 of us can set off together in time... lol.. i still stick on my habit to bathe every morning.. me clean... they dirty... i dun eat breakfast...
haha then come back everyday at abt 6.30-7.00 then haf dinner, bathe and 'study' lor.. but in fact, i'm just talking alot to ashley and calvin.. haha nowadays i talk more to ashley cos he's so fun!! haha.. cos both of us dun haf bio so sth we snoop off to the canteen and talk and talk lor... then during study time, he'd come down to our study room and we'll talk somemore..
oh ya, calvin didnt sth very bad this monday. he lied to the doctor (vintu) that he has nausea so he got MC to skip his lit and geog tests cos he dint study.. and its not the first time he did that lor... this guy's really getting from bad to worse.. the worst thing is that he dusen realise his mistake and kept having this idea that he did wat he had to do and what he did was right!!! sigh... wonder if he would still keep his golden badge on his chest if any teacher found out abt it..
and also, yong lin's out of iCouncil.. i tink he's damn unhappy but i tink the rest of the councillors must be elated or sth.. haha... oh ya, the exCO list thingo came out lor... i am only happy for sua yam and tingwei cos i voted for them... terence is like shock shock horror cos its like very lil people from my company voted for him cos he's a fat tracker from sec 2 cohort and my impression of him was when he wore a lanyard/ water bottle dangling arnd his neck that made him look so spoilt and n00bish!!!
okokokokok... can u believe it? VE sang 'working on the railroad' for assembly for all the lvls.. and i had to be in it to share the throwing face of that very bunch... today was the last day (fortunately) and we sounded bad cos the tenor ones werent loud enough.. that means i failed lar... cos my tone sucks and everything... it's like evryone said that they could only hear me from T1, darrell from t2 and jianyi/hewlett frm bass throut the song.. wonder if that was a compliment.. but seriously, i am quite confident of my projection skills.... in VE that is.. not competitve against people from other choirs lar.. but in VE, i'm quite sure that i am one of the better ones... even mr yong said that i have a very focus tone... and the rest have airy tones... jeffrey's sore throat aint helping him alot.. he's screeching cos his range suddenly became like pin yan's. seriously.. his sore throat is his first sign of voice breaking.
that was wat happened to me too.. he's going t2 soon... whoopee? wateverz... VE sucks lor.. seriously... the teacher i/c is so notorious, yong cf is 88% gay and everything... i tink jianyi and darrell and I shld form our own VE and screw our songs up... haha... the most ideal thing is like for kun won and calvin to join VE again.. both of them put in t2 and they can overpower the whole VE like siao.. bad that's impossible... kun won has nice tone in his voice... and cal's expressions are ownage... but i dun like his pronunciation and articulation of notes...his range is seriously damn zai.. but i still dun quite like his voice - refer to the blog post abt the karaoke outing... =P
bahh.. why am i writing all this? its not goin to be posted anywayz... i wannabe 3rd in class...!! loll
band now is damn sian.. kun won's turning so cynical.. sometimes i dunno whether to laff with him or dao him in a sense that i know he's zai in eupho but that doesn't mean that he has to use sarcasm to shoot me down does he? bleargh.. but seriously lor.. i tink the existence of kun won is for me to have a taste of my own medicine... its like i also mock alot of people and that's my retribution or sth.. why do i suck sooo much in eupho??? but seriously, i dun really practice alot and i keep using diff techniques.. its like i slack... i come for 'individuals' for like 30mins and went off cos kun won was saying things to me like, 'khee xuan, you'll have to practice your tone first.. you can't even sound nice on a simple F.' or things like, 'khee xuan can you don't play the soft parts that loud?' and when i cant sight read the treble notes that fast (eupho notes are in base clefs btw), he was like looking at me and saying, 'can i hear sth from you or watever?' then i damn bu shuang lor.. and i was like dao and quiet for the whole band practice... and terence also, i am trying to shun him away cos i tink he's segregating me cos i suck so much in eupho...
its like i now feel that i don't disappoint him anyway... i'll just let him think that he's a bad SL for all i care.. cos for this whole month, i've gradually turned into an outcast in my section.. i dun really meddle with my sec 2's affairs (cos bob still has this sucky attitude and his playing is still worse than mine) and jiunn lin is still okkay.. ivan is still taht nerdy and all but at least he still attempt to train me... terence and kun won.. sigh... we arent even on talking terms anymore lor.. sadly or not sadly.. i tink it's kinda cool actually.. it's like i am lonely no doubt, esp when terence keeps talking kun won cos he's damn qiang and kunwon can double tongue... and i suck so much.. terence dint even help me in anyway nowadays.. call himself a section leader.. hope kw doesn't follow his footsteps... even tho there's a high chance that he will...
but luckily, i still have good friends like sean. and mayb rujun.... they still talk to me and everything.. esp. sean cos he's really my good friend... unlike some other people... and there's this mood swing of mine when after every band prac i'll be depressed.. no surprises today cos i predict the same thing will happen.. i always hold back my tears.. even word kun won said pierces my heart like nth... every sight of terence made me swallow my regurgitated vomit... every concerned question of sean's made my tears flow out of my eyes.. it's that emotional... i hate myself for hating band, and for sucking so much... but what can i dO? i aint even enthu to begin with.. i can just rant and complain and rant somemore.. let people hate me.. i am turning unpopular day by day.. i tink everyone's starting to be pissed of by this ungrown spoilt child.. its like who knows, people have this impressions of me as 'the boy that never grows up - irritating asshole that won't shut up.' i care abt that. but what can i do? quit SYF? that's escapism.. i'm escaping from kw, eupho section and sth i cant do.. i am a failure if i do that.. but if i joined SYF and band doesnt get gold, i am also a failure.. its like i'm facing a lose-lose situation and i can't turn back... bleargh.. why can the pple in VE be as good as those in band? why can its system of rule be as good as band's? why cant the teacher i/c be ms lam? this is sooo sian cos i've been ranting abt band ever since the first day of school... and after like 1-2 mths.. i still haven't imprved much.. i always throw face in band cos after kw played his damn nice concert tuning note, its always my turn to be niaoed at and all.. sigh wateverz...
i am facing stress. everyone is. but i rant about it. why? cos i wanna be free from all this. does ranting help? no. then why do i still rant? so that i can get it out of my chest. i suck in everything. so what if i haf ok results? so what i can sign better than the majority who are tone deaf? so what? i am a egocentric pi gu dong... seriously. my personality suck.. imagine if i have to be in the body of siheng.. i'll haf no friends at all.. no one would like me cos i haf bad personality.. i am ego, straightforward and boastful. who likes this kind of people? no one. bye.
Signing off,
KX
2/24/2005 01:11:00 PM
