Monday, January 10, 2005
Sigh.. Depression sets in (again)... for 1/3 of the post, I'm going to talk about sun peng then abt jeffrey, 1/3 of the post abt how I had the taste of my own medicine and how unfair this world can be, and remaining 1/3 miscellaneously about mainstreamers, jap class and all...
I shall start: Every start of the week sucks. Seriously. I nearly cried again today. Or at least I had tears in my eyes..
Ok, so the started off at band, which I met Sean and others at the stairs leading to the porch. So he showed me his poster designs for the orientation for band cos he spent the whole sunday afternn on it. I seriously thought it was kinda creative for him to use reverse psychology to attract sec 1s to join. But alas, to my horrors, when Jiehan saw it, he was like "omigod! this is soo stupid! I can do it like, in 5 mins! blah blah.. this suck, the pictures not nice.. why is the backgd black and white...' den i can sort off see sean not qt happy le.. its like he spent so much time on it to get niaoed and commented by jiehan.. its seriously not fair i thought and i tried to reason it out with him and all.. then he still say that the sec 1s won't understand the reverse psychology blah blah... very very bad, but nvrtheless, i am always on sean's side cos i believe he really did put in effort in the posters and all.. well, c'mon, he was enthusiastic about it kayz...
So band was kinda ok and all.. Den our english period on style was bullcrap again, and after that we had damn early recess at 8.40, the 2nd period lor.. its like there's only one other 1 aphelion class and us having the 2nd period as our recess.. so i got my letter of transfer frm mrs-chan lampl for my 3rd lang class transfer and so i happily went for lunch, finished last min future problem solving wksheet and slacked.. well, i actually sorta watch jeffrey talking happily to yam huo and sun peng la, its a nice show seriously.. more abt that later...
double chem was kinda crappy oso, cos mr. liewyj is like the split image of our class notorious mascot, mr. lan yingjie and he's like real freaky, cos from my seat's point of view, then i see mr. liew looking at the com, his side profile is almost identical to lanyj's side profile.. scary
double maths was nth better too.. 2 periods of leetk's act-cute, lame jokes and maths worksheets was totally kinda boring.. even tho i must admit that i do enjoy doing all those problem sums cos the feeling of being knowledgable, knowing how to answer the sums and having the same answers as yong lin/sunpeng/yamhuo +++ are real comforting cos i noe i am correct for once... haha... so its not THAT bad after all.. compared to wat will happen if jasmine tey DOES teach us maths..
Chinese was kinda fun.. Cos we are like separated into the majestic 8 for the chinese debate thingy and I am one of them!! They are - (1) Guan Hui, (2) Yam Huo, (3) Yong Lin, (4) Sua Yu, (5),Taiboon, (6) Hong Chen, (7) Yufeng and (8) ME!!!! so its like we'll haf intensive trng blah blah in the next week then finally we'll choose the elite 4 frm these 8.. damn kewl lor.. its like i am in a dliemma cos its like i dunno whether i shld work hard for it - good points: lots of ACE (and I mean it! its like most probably can max lor..)and i can brush up on my speaking skills but bad points: i am kinda retarded in response and dun speak well, and i scared of throwing iSpark's face or feel zibei when debating against PRCs shld i be in the elite 4.. sighz...
Geog was quite kewl too.. future problem solving model (a.k.a fuzzy) isnt really my type of geog hmwk to do cos i can't think of problems to crap about so its like i haf to copy from other's presentation and all.. lol.. oh ya, and I am 10cm taller than esmond now! haha, he's like soo cute cos he's so short and we r now like frm best frenz to like brothers liddat haha... WE NEED GROWTH HORMONES!!!
Ok, back to the topic about jeffrey and I. Ok, this part is kinda explicit to all my bad points cos to put it bluntly, and everyone noes that I am ATTENTION SEEKING, especially in new environment.. That's for me of cos, but maybe jeffrey's just friendly, watever... Ok, jeffrey, if u reading this post, dun be offended kayz, cos this is more abt me being the bad guy... So tell me if u r offended, i'll delete this part off kay..
Yupz, so you may think that i am jealous or sth, which i probably am cos i aint used to being not the 'attention' or 'focus' in the surroundings i am in, so things sorta turned out to be like a popularity contest between me and jeffrey... i must admit, jeffrey's attention-seeking skills of acting cute/self-initiated conversations/self-mockery.. are really working real well, cos somehow he DOES attract that attention frm nice nice people like the PRC mr. sun, the big bro yam huo, the 'sexually-attractive' chin seng, the scoutier melwan, the cute lil yufeng, and ashley... ...
It's like as if i lost the competition or sth, not entirely but its like my 'mojo jojo' isnt working anymore.. mojo jojo - social attractiveness is like fading off... but no less, its definitely recognised that jeffrey is much much more memorable and unforgettable than i am..
firstly,he's fat. no offence abt this, but fat people are more easily recognised, and being fat will invite mockery to increase his unforgettably... the push here is that jeffrey mocks himself and whacks the people when they laff at his size - so it makes him even more memorable as the 'self despising fat boy'... secondly, he has a christian name. its yet another ploy to make him more unforgettable.. li ting is definitely harder to remember than jeffrey. no doubt abt it, in grps introduction, pple with christian names are easier to rmb and all and this does work for jeffrey as well..
Lastly and most imptly, jeffrey is very self-initiated, as in to initiate a conversation, get people's attention, and all... and his routine act-cuteness and all works in favour of him in order to get the attn of his targets, i shall say.. well, i shld stop here to prevent me from being too suggestive about wat i am trying to say, but my point is that i am actually analyzing the way new people see a 'bubbly' character like jeffrey and finds entertainment within him and therefore associate with him... its just weird but its just true isn't it?
I may sound very jealous here, cos I am! but nvrtheless, i am kinda contented with the fact that there are still other pple who likes me and finds me adorable for who I am... same applies to sua yu... i mean, we can still be ourselves and people like joshua or benchow will stay say that we are cute... its like a natural thing... its like yupz, even tho sometimes there's a bit of unnaturalness involved, but i do believe that i seriously do not go to the extent too far off my limits or watever... sigh, its like i am still a happy person, with all the people surrounding which most of them i can call as friends, and not audiences to see me act as a clown... so i guess i'm still happy i guess...
Oh ya, so frm jeffrey's routine convos with sun peng and yam huo, he told sua and I that sun peng is acutally RICH!!1 (mwahaha.. i shall b superficial and ACT as his friend!!!) lol.. cos he went to watch the SHE concert last nite with the most ex tickets and he's damn rich... kewl rite? its like he get wat he wants... that's my dream lor - to get what i desire...
and i created a miracle today.. i taught sun peng the F word, yes PHARK.... cos jeffrey, yam and him were discussing abt fuzzy then i joined in to ask yam question abt the solutions part then i saw sun peng's paper totally filled.. then i blurted out 'wat the F!' then sun peng suddenly asked 'wats PHARK?' then he searched his electronic dictionary to noe the meaning then he suddenly kept saying it.. yippee! and jeffrey was like real disturbed cos i impurified his dearest and he was like blaming me and all... watever~ i was just trying to make a PRC be more adapted to his surroundings wat.. nth wrong rite? lol...
ok enuff abt mr. sun and jeffrey now, jeff shld be fuming rite now and will start another war wif me probably tmr... sad.. but i am just saying what i feel kayz...
so between 2-3.30, i had band sectionals with terence and kun won.. terence being the SL had to conduct the both of us, and kun won, being the professional and I being the inferior, sucky, shittyhead, freaking-asshole, of cos was the lousier one and was being mocked at by kun won...
so yea, i still cant play concert F with the nice tone kayz, and i am STILL using the freaking wrong technique to play cos i press my lips too hard to pia the note out... so kun won was like pushing his lips at the mouthpiece to imitate me and it came out a real bad tone then he laffingly said to me, 'yea, thats what u sound like.. haha'..
i was kinda taken aback lor.. seriously, i noe my playing can NEVER be compared to his but he doesn't have to say that to hurt me even more does he? its like i dun even noe how to react and just stared blankly and was kinda sad lor.. its like i suddenly just teared... but i dun dare to cry... i CANT CRY! its like i haf to bottle my feelings inside and act as if nth happened.. terence sorta noticed my sad face and asked me not to be sad and all.. i mean, i cant really blame kun won cos he's really much more pro and i am really THAT sucky so its like normal for him to laff at me and mock me for being such a sucker...
just when i thot the mockery as stopped, no, he was toking to terence about the 7th nite of july being a piece full of solos and solis and that no one can 'lan4 yu2 chong1 shu4' and he patted my shoulder while he was saying that, intending that i was lan yu chong shu-ing lor.. i am really sad kayz.. its like i am trying not to cry and u r consistently making me to do so.. its like he's changed ever since last yr 2nd term, its like evrything's changed and all... and i am really sucky, i noe that.. seriously, pls dun tell me that, its enuff for me to take it...
i am seriously expriencing an outrage of anger, sadness and tears now lor.. i dun even noe how to describe when i heard my once-best-friend said that to me today.. its just real disappointing and i feel more zibei and depressed than ever..
so i tried to get out of band at 3.30, and even i did make some progress in my playing, its still like nth to kun won cos i still suck at it, lan dynamics, lan tone and expression ++ i am just too lousy to be his friend k.. i am from 3N rmb?
so i missed my bus at the overhead bridge so i sat down at the NY bus stop and heard some MSers toking abt physics and all.. its rather stupid that people can make the same obvious mistake twice without noticing it.. its even worse when the listeners dun get the mistake at all..
there was this guy saying that how hard it was to do physics experiment cos its impossible to measure the 'light of speed'. then some agreed, then the very same person explained that its bcos a lot rays speed through in a moment so its damn hard to calculate the ' light of speed'... rite.. i was like half laffing and half wondering why no one bothered to correct his error and all, and i dint want to speak up cos i am not extra, and its not polite to interrupt convos amongst pple u dunno, and i being an iSparkian, with a gay reputation certainly become a minority even in a crowded bus stop so its strategic for me to shut my mouth up...
haiz, then i went to 3rd lang, wet not drenched and ben chow and weishi welcomed me and all,joshua and others are like bo-chup so i oso dun give a damn.. haha, i seriously tink ben chow is a kewl person lor, just like jinyang liddat, always make me laff and feel sorta not left out... thx to ya, he was like toking to me and all, and i am real happy that we r in the same BSP class...
oh ya, jap was fun today... as in completing those worksheets are cool cos ms lue is a real friendly teacher and she pardons my stupidity in the jap language... but i am sorta getting my cleverness back, its like i noe the answers for abt 80% of the worksheets... and her lessons are fun too...
got the usual ppt slides where we learn how to use conversational jap language to communicate then got diff accent.. damn fun and all... i really learnt quite alot from her lor... she's a good teacher i guess..
but good things nvr last.. rmb abt the 3rd lang class transfer form.. ya, u get the idea.. sighz...
me overdosing myself wif the infite loop of 7th nite of july now... wish me luck.. i really dun wan to be that zibei anymore...
signing off,
depressed KX
1/10/2005 08:08:00 PM
