Monday, January 10, 2005
I feel real obliged to post for the 2nd time... I felt ok after the first blog post, but after I thought about it, and my short convo with terence, I burst into tears again.. Its like i really feel damn zi bei..
So I was like singing songs again, then my dad scolded me again, (wats new) so I popped and said hi to terence and said that i already tried real hard to improve on my playing but i still suck so much.
Then he said that today's practice was a total failure and an indication that band won't get gold this yr. So I deduced that if band already sucked without me, the condition will aggravate to a CoP if i joined in.
And he was consistently trying to encourage me and tell me not to qi4 nei2. I mean seriously, I must thank Terence for being such a good SL. He might not be that good a technical SL in playing, but he fully expresses what a SL should do for his juniors and all, and i truly mean it.
He was like becoming enthu in band after he got a post and he was working real hard to improve his skills and he did. He sacrificed his time and all just to set an example for poor people like me. That's not all, it's like even though we, the members, always mock him and laugh at him and not respect him, he's still the terence everyone noes and we'll automatically settle down and listen to him.
Recently, as my inferiority complex sets in obviously, he's always the one there to support me and encourage by saying that I don't suck and ask me to have more confidence cos I can do it... It's like i am very touched by his sincerity and blessed to haf such a section leader that shows his compassion and his responsibility to care for his juniors lor...
I seriously realise that he might blame himself cos I play that badly, showing that he isnt a good SL and will feel bad about it cos of my playing, but I really do think that its not his fault at all lor... We both tried, he tried harder. I still suck at it.. Its more of my fault i think... but i can always sense his helplessness when I can reach those high concert F notes, its like he's blaming himself for my incompetence... Even he feels that he really dunno wat to say to make me feel less inferior about my playing and I really know that he tried damn hard...
From someone that is a slacker to a person as responsible and encouraging as he is, might be one of the miracles that ever happened.. its like i've never seen so much change in a person before in a short span of one yr... and i truly feel bad about it cos I tried so little, and i still play so badly, and the contrast between the 2 sec 3s are so wide and he's really putting alot of effort to help me and console me already.... i am really thankful and all, for he always provide such care and fun to our sectionals and making so much sacrifices to ensure the well being of his members...
Thank you terence.
Signing off,
KX
1/10/2005 10:46:00 PM
