Monday, January 03, 2005
3rd Jan 2005 - A day I'll never forget in CHS/HCI life... Where all my depression and stress finally let out.. Where everything didn't go my way... Where my hopes are turned into fears and my fears are haunting me seriously...
Today sucks. My class sucks. Being me sucks. Khee Xuan sucks.
Kayz, today I did everything as perfectly as I could, (i'm a perfectionist you see), using mouthwash for like the 1341th time in my life, washing my face with the facial cream with the massage beads which made me feel kinda refreshed after my 4 hr sleep....
Drank my own milo (too sweet) and went to school.. Cool... my dad's car dint break down despite the heavy rain thruout the nite... So its kewl and all and I arrived at band at like 5.30++ and saw yikun, chinseng and some other pple... Tok tok tok until mr. khaiboon arrives at 7.45+ and we were late for band and all...
Band wasn't that screwy actually, its just the songs were too repititive (haijun.. hmm-umm..)and my frenz said that the LOTR 8 bars sucked and all.. Watever (in KX's tone).. So after boasting abt my new HP and our 'air-coned' class to sean, i feel kinda guilty and all but to my shock AND horror, our classrms haf no AIRCON!!!
I was damn pissed on the way to drama centre for the crappy tok abt unrelated stuff such as iCouncil structure which is 90% totally non of our business.. sigh... and there's this sun peng guy, a PRC that came to our class cos he took LRC... he looks kinda shuai i tink... not that cheena-ish look but he definitely looks much nicer than half of our class tho... hmm.. potential friend.. (gee i am sooo superficial)...
So when we returned to our class, I finally had a good view of sun peng face to face (cos i was sitting behind him during the briefing) and he looked kinda familiar.. but being new, he 'hi'-ed to everyone and was just being friendly and all.. but NO, pple like sua and I were, for some reason, back to our habit of mockery again! and since there's no ting wei and simqx for sua to mock, so sun peng was our target.. PRCs are always ez to mock - had practice frm 2 yrs of association wif rujun and sean so, u noe what i mean la... dun mean to be evil though, cos sun peng seems to be quite a nice guy to me, when compared wif pple like notorious lanyj, siheng and others...
So during recess, our usual clique of jianyi, sua, taiboon, darrell and kun won just toked thru the whole thing and all den we went to the space for more briefing for SMRP and all other crap abt extra lessons = on tues n thurs = pon half of band prac = khee xuan sucks in eupho playing = kana niao = despised = zibei = depression = suicidal thoughts = khee xuan seen on the ground floor of a 20 storey building with blood gushing out frm his anus and mouth... lol.. jking.. my hse only got 10 storeys la... Oh ya and when the PRCs intro themselves, Sun Peng said that he's frm szechuan and weishi and i said sth abt szechuan's soup is hot and spicy and all.. den taiboon suddenly blurted out that spicy maybe, but he (S.P)'s hot! haha.. den jianyi and i were rolling our eyes cos taiboon has done it again... and he was like putting his arm arnd chin seng intimately b4 the briefing and begging me to organise another KTV session.. lol...
so after wat seems to be a lightyear, we went back to our class again to decide on our sitting arrangement.. apparently yam huo was too tall so he sat at the back, which meant he moved his table frm beside me to the back, leaving me isolated and lonely in the frnt row in the left most corner to the classrm, which is, yupz, closest to the door....
wats worse then happened.. CMC election.. in a class full of baileis, 3N is like choosing the better ones frm the incorrigible ones.. like the band exco of this yr.. (no offence but the majors and exco r quite okay - except those non-exco/SLs) u get wat i mean rite? so the only fight was between yam huo and sua for chairman and in the end, sua voluntarily gave his chairman seat to yam and he took the monitor seat...
and lerong n yufeng, being desperate to send me into CMC after his evil mastermind plans since sec 1 for me to replace jianyang which dint work out.. (luckily) and being a sec in sec 2 but i had asthma on the election day so sharma chose zhenghang which fortunately, was a good choice and gave me my own freedom and all.. this yr, i wasnt spared.. leetk and lerong conspired to make me into a gen sec no matter wat.. fine.. so i won kayz? and it sux being a secretary cos zheng hang raised the standards of being a class sec to sooo way high that i am confident that i can't do it... updating homework everyday, doing all those manual labour and com stuff is real crap.. trust me.. sighz i hate my class and my teachers and my position in class. thx leeteckong and monseuir lebong...
so lunch was wif usual company, benchow, marc ho (which for some reason is drifting away frm me as a close friend but i dunno y cos i am kinda irritating i tink), weishi, joshua, jeffrey, jianyi and yufeng at yoshinoya and after stuffing my stomach, i wanted to vomit and went to the toilet and attempted to do so but was kind of a failure but nvrmindz...
den they went to MPH bkstore to kill time cos we had 2 hrs to kill and we were reading all books frm feng shui 2005 for horse, murderous maths, almanac 2005 to amazing sex and kamasutra.. it's damn kewl, cos they show naked couples being intimate and hiding each other's privacy to save their face.. lol.. itneresting..
but unable to understand and tolerate books, i went out of the store and came back in and went out, listening to my mp3 phone player which has ownage kelly clarkson's mp3 n diana's n latoya's +++ and at 3.30, when i went back in, they R gone!! gosh... i was like shaken off for once, unintentionally so i just pretended nth happened and went to MOELC and saw them there...
i was still listening to my mp3 so i dint make a noise when i put my bag down but after for like 15 mins, marcus turned arnd and saw me and was shocked, so were weishi, joshua and yufeng i tink and all cos my presence was so unannounced... the wait b4 3rd lang is always stoning and boring.. so boring until cheery ben chow was pissed and tired.. poor boi... and i was real despo to qutie 3rd lang cos i am sick of it and all but my parents.. haiz..
in the end, 3rd lang was quite ok, the new teacher is mrs. lue, jap is dry and boring, i am a stupid freak trying to understand a language i wun be using for half of my life and i accidentally offended lay lay san.. cos i dint noe he was frm myanmar until the teacher asked him abt it and i suddenly blurted out, "SINGAPORE TRASHED MYANMAR 8-5!!!" den he was like kinda taken aback by wat i just said and i was like trying to eat my words back but its apparently of no use...
but nvm, after 3rd lang i told my mom i want out, but she still dowan.. and oh ya, her interview to be a maths teacher is this wednesday, sigh, hope she can enunciate her words properly and not be another mrs. chung giving out melted milk choco bunnies for prizes and stickers to encourage us to be more enthusiastic....
and when i arrived home, tired and pissed, my parents got on my nerves cos i told them singing was my passion and i wanna be a singer when i grow up (that's for now) and they said that i wun be able to earn big bucks and all.. i mean, yupz, its true cos i dun haf an amazing voice like kelly clarkson or even taufik, i dun haf nice looks like brad pitt or tom cruise to make it big and lastly, there's a 0.1% one will make it in singapore's music industry unless i immigrate to US and become more zibei when meeting pple like latoya london.. sighz.. but they shldnt put me down liddat wat... i mean, they could be more encouraging and all and i was real broken hearted cos after all the events today, they just dropped a rock into my heart and piercing it with their words.. its real sad if anyone could empathise wif me..
so i was like crying on my bed (surprise! i am a wimp!) and was just thinking so much abt my 'future' and all.. its like i aint interesting in anything except singing just yet.. why must i think so far ahead and all.. life sucks seriously... and why can't i pursue wat i am passionate abt? taiboon's mom dun stop taiboon frm taking ballet lessons and all.. its just unfair how this society can be...
and i was like trying to find someone to tok to and i figured out that taiboon will b too bz wif his mainstream frenz, jianyi will laff at me or find me a nuisance for being less smart than he is, so i wrote a sms to sean, asking him if he was free to tok to me via phone so i can pour all my sorrows, but for some reason, i was tearing while i waswriting the message and after hesitation, i dint send that message... i just felt so alone and sad... sighz...
but anywayz, our DM khaiboon sort of consoled me wif his words (thx) and i will rmb his words forever:
A day passes when we are happy. The same day passes even if we are unhappy... So we might as we be happy right? after thinking, i aint that sad anymore lor.. but i am still pissed and tired and sad... sighz
but look on the bright side: yangwz's teaching BSP and i will b in the same chinese class as ben chow and taiboon!!! yay!! the dark side is kuang li is taking BSP too... the bright side: sean is a treasurer in 3A and there's no band tmr! yippee!!!
kayz g2g.. make sure this post is posted...
signing off,
KX
1/03/2005 08:17:00 PM
