Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Guide to Survive Khee Xuan: The DOs and DON'Ts to Annoy Him and Vice Versa
Chapter 1: Khee Xuan - He, Him and Himself: Part 2
2. Photoshooting -
DO, if you happen to have a camera phone in your possession, take snap shots of him. The very action of snapping a picture instantly irritates Khee Xuan to a depression limit of 45%. To add on to the depression level of him, take extremely ugly or quirky shots of him (e.g. picking nose, opening mouth...) and spread to the whole world. For Khee Xuan is a self-conscious guy, he
would definitely mind if his 'reputation' of a clean green fella is gone. That is the second point of 'image and reputation' in addition to the 'Seemingly nice voice'.
3. Criticism and Sarcasm -
Khee Xuan is a very egoistic (if there's such a word) and ignorant boy without any common knowledge if you take away all his studious intelligence in school. Ask him a 6m question on the formation of volcanoes and he can blabber for an hour or so. Test him about the storyline of the book 'Resident Evil' and he can tell you nothing but lame jokes. His weakness in this point is that
he is very affected by criticism and intelligent sarcasm and in addition, his lame 'jokes' he always says when he is bored and moody.
So,
DO laugh at his weaknesses and poke fun of him, for example his command of English Language, poor pronunciation and grammatical errors, pathetic knowledge of literary books and current affairs, singing (*see point 1) and other weaknesses you can find of him. Also, use
ONLY intelligent sarcasm at him to increase the effect of his depression. For example, when he tells a seemingly lame 'joke', instead of saying, "(Fake laughter) Hahaha. Very funny." or "Xia xue... (Snowing) or Hua xue.. (Skiing)" try staring at him for a silent second and walk off, or use intelligent sarcasm like, "Now that's funny. Being gay and black is funny. Ah."
4. Seemingly 'cute' personality and looks: That's one of the most deadliest weapon to depress him. Calling him cute in a harmless and thoughtless way might set him thinking of hours, "Why am I cute?", "Is being cute good?", "Why people say I look cute?"... Therefore, this method of consistently calling him cute and
'sayang' his head will make him feel uneasy and uncomfortable. Together with
Photoshooting, the effect will be greater in his annoyed level.
P.S: Restricted words to use to annoy him: '
Bitchy' cos he accepted it long ago.
Useful words to annoy him:
'CUTE', 'Sissy', 'Idiotic'... cos he doesn't accept it, so the more you should use to annoy him.
That's all for this issue of "
Guide to Survive Khee Xuan: The DOs and DON'Ts to Annoy Him and Vice Versa". A new chapter will start on the next issue
: "How Khee Xuan Annoys You and How Do You Avoid/Get Away From Being Annoyed"
Signing off,
Anonymous Writer GW
8/11/2004 11:05:00 PM
