Saturday, July 31, 2004
Saturday: Probably the most reflective and tiring day of the week. Why? Cos I am often misunderstood by pple therefore I hafta make myself clear even though I cannot be bothered by those biguns that have nothing else better to do than daoing pple...
Check
this link to see why am I saying that.
I will narrate my day first. I woke up at 10.30 and watched Mean Girls until 11.20 before buying roasted chicken rice for lunch. Then my father sent me to school for VE at 1pm.
Once there, saw Ms Siew fighting wif another guy and stuff... It took her until 1.30 to finished her fight before we can begin for VE. Jeffrey for some reason, dao me again, I was actually a little bit bothered by it. So we started warmups and sang Di Tanjung Katong and stuff... I went off at 2pm for band.
Then we had more outdoor practice at band, it was boring and tiring la aniwaez, and were dismissed at 5.45. So my father fetched me and Eric for dinner at Ang Mo Kio, where we had zhu tong fan and sent him home. So now, I am pouring out all my feelings for those interested and dearest Jeffrey which dao me again....
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Lemme write a story called "Khee Xuan". Explanation of neopiggy's wonderfully writen spoof of my personality and stuff...
"i once had a friend called khee xuan
he was a very cute boy
he had an innocent look
but it was all a decoy"
I agree with the first line, jeffrey WAS indeed my friend, but not with the second and third line, cos i ain't "cute" nor "innocent", and can i help it if i really do look "innocent"? I mean, wow, 'decoy'! It is used as a propaganda for other friends to dao me cos I 'betrayed' dearest Jeffrey. I never said that I want to look cute or innocent, for that matter. I mean, yes, even though this sounds bitchy or wadeva, under the influence of Mean Girls and quote quote* "Isit my fault if pple are jealous? I mean, I cant help it if I am popular." Which i ain't so arrogant in this way. God noes why evryone keeps calling me cute? I realli wonder.... And yes, I was young and innocent when I was P6, but definitely not when I am in secondary school. I dare say tt no one in this school is innocent for that matter. Think of pple like your OTHER friends, Sua yu and etc... Do u think tt he is innocent? Rite....
"he seemed to have good heart
it seemed full of good traits
he was a backstabbing person
unknowingly i took the bait"
As I have mentioned, I describe myself as a friendly and bright person, so if u call that a gd heart, i will thank you for that. Yep, I must say that I am also backstabbing, how else do you think i can make it into top 4 for survivor worldwide and and you didnt took the bait. I definitely didnt intentionally plot for your embarrassment or something. I mean, what do you expect? I keep a BURN BOOK at home all about you? Think again, I noe I am insensitive sometimes, but I ain't mean like some of your other self-centred friends.
"often i confided in him
i told him all i knew
to my horror and my shock
he told everyone else too"
Jeffrey, if you remembered, I did told you that I am your friend but not your best friend and wadeva that you can confide into me unless it is a mutual thing between the both of us. And of cos, I didnt tell everyone else about ur so-called secret other than kun won. I mean think this way, almost the whole of our class knows abt your feelings towards 'him'. So it wasnt realli a secret anymore. You were like damn obvious in revealing ur true feelings to 'him', taking snapshots of him, thinking abt his eyes and wadeva crap. Furthermore, if u think it this way, by telling me all your true feelings to 'him' and how u dreamt abt him and stuff, don't u find it overwhelming if some friend tt u thot was straight started to tell u that he is gay? Of cos, i then hafto confide into kun won and tell him how troubled I am being a so-called middleman between u and 'him'.
But alas, he told Jianyang abt and even though I am disappointed with him but as u noe, he is rather homophobic so he had to ask for Jian yang's opinion. i mean, kun won wasnt just against you or sth, he didnt like other so-called gays in our class as well wad.... And to our horror, Jianyang posted wadeva 'secrets' kun won told him on his blog and now everyone noes abt wad they already known and did they have a big reaction? No? As i have mentioned, everyone knows abt it after Humanities Nite liao! And did i spread it to everyone, or harbour the intention to? No! Look at it this way, Khee Xuan to Kun Won --> Kun Won to Jian Yang ---> Jian yang'blog = everyone noes.... So i indirectly did but was i the mastermind? NO!!!
"so here i am stuck with a guy
i used to call my friend
too many times he has done this
i guess this is the end
i have done everything i could
tell me what to try
but since they all don't seem to work
i guess it's now goodbye"
Jeffrey, u aint stuck wif mi u noe, u can continue have friendship wif others. I mean, even though it might be a pity losing a friend that will have recess wif me, that will tok to me, and share lame jokes wif me, and accompany me to where I go, to tok to during VE, to buy drinks for me and vice versa, to laugh at pple, and laugh at ourselves for being stupid, have a common topic to chat abt such as 'u and 'him'', I cannot realli promise wad life will be with the Weishi treatment you are giving me. Even though some of my friends encouraged me to give up on you and not to be your friend, I realli do consider abt it at times. I didnt 'did it' so many times. I mean, you are the only over-sensitive person that will be angry if I called u Cady. I mean, i noe i am insensitive and calls Jian yi a malay (sua yu does tt too) and ting wei a black (who dusen) and other mean things, but I will stop if you ask me to. I am already stopping it liao, and after reflection, I noe tt I have to be more sensitive. And i am trying to act my part, with those 'cute and innocent' face and good heart or wadeva personality i seemed to portray and stuff.... But, sometimes, you shld think abt it oso, why am I always the person pple dao? Cant u just tink of my gd points and encouraged to change my bad pts? I mean, I understand ur sincerity, jeffrey, esp. during IH nite when u prayed for me during One Voice and hugged me after I won the Best Actor, i mean i was really touched but now, things are going in an awful turn. I am now the Cady which everyone hates. So that's that. I will be hypocritical if I said that my life won't be affected without your company, so its up to you to think and I do hope that this issue of me being the devil and u being the angel will cool down in a few wks time....
Signing off,
KX
7/31/2004 08:08:00 PM
